Tuesday, March 23, 2021

Death is a tough business

 


Tomorrow Vince turns fifty-five. He thought that if he made it to fifty-five that he would retire. He was single and had lived well within his means for many years. Most men in his profession, never made it to retirement age. It was the stress, the law, or some other extraneous issue that got them.


Vince was a hit man for hire and he was the best there was. After this last job he would go to confession and then quietly disappear. He had enough money in off shore accounts to live comfortably the rest of his life. All of the documentation he would need to establish a new identity, and that had cost him a bundle. One last job, and he was gone.


The hit was some big time drug lord that he’d never heard of, but most of his jobs were unknown to him. The drug lord was suppose to be at an abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of town (why do they always pick abandoned warehouses?) at eight o’clock.


Vince showed up at five o’clock after parking a mile away and walking up to the warehouse. He reconnoitered the place and found the ideal location on the catwalk. High ground, good vantage point but hard to retreat quickly, but if he had to kill them all so be it. Now the waiting began.


Vince saw the headlights of a car as it pulled into the warehouse, and just as he was getting into position for a shot he heard something behind him. Before he could turn around he heard a shot from a silenced pistol.


When he came to, he was no longer on the cat walk, in fact he wasn’t sure where he was. He was disoriented and trying to make sense of where he was and what happened. It was then he noticed a figure standing in the shadows as if waiting for him to come to his senses. Instinctively Vince reached for his weapon, but it wasn’t there. The figure glided forward.


Vince saw what appeared to be some one in a grim reaper outfit, albeit a very realistic one. The figure lifted his arm and pointed a bony finger at Vince.

Vince said, “great costume.”

The figure threw back the hood of his robe and exposed only a skull with empty eye sockets. At this point Vince figured he must be dreaming.

Death looked at Vince and said,”Vincent Francis Deluca, your soul is now forfeit and I am here to collect it and escort you to Hell.”

Vince, said, but I’m a good Catholic, I go to mass and confession, in fact I went to confession just before this job. I’ve been absolved of all my sins.”

“That’s what they want you to think Vince, but it doesn’t work that way. The ten commandments say Thou Shall not Kill, there is nothing in there about going to confession. You need to come with me now.”

“But I was going to stop after this job. This was the last one, then I was going straight.”

“Well you got part of it right, it was your last job. I’ve got a tight schedule to keep, let’s go.”

“Wait, I can pay you I have a fortune stashed away.”

“Your money is worthless here Vince, but there may be something you could trade.”

“What, anything, what do you want?”

Death paused for a moment, stroking his bony chin with an equally bony hand. Then he seemed to make a decision.

“Vince, I was once in a predicament similar to yours and I was given a choice. I could take the job as one of the messengers of death, there are many of us due to the world population. Even death cannot be everywhere at all times, but I digress. I was offered the job for a thousand years and my tenure is about up and I had to find a successor. I think you will do fine. I have a few more days to show you the ropes and them … we’ll see if you work out. What do you say?”

“Let me weigh the options here for a second, work as the messenger of death for a thousand years or go straight to hell. I’ll take the job.”

Instantly Vince was transformed into a mirror image of his mentor. Death handed Vince a list of names with just a thumbs up or thumbs down beside the name.

Vince asked, “So how do I find these people, there isn’t even an address or anything?”

“All you have to do is think of the person’s name and instantly you will be there, once you have collected their soul so to speak, you you must accompany them to either the portal to Heaven or the Portal to Hell, by the way they look identical so even if you are taking them to Hell and it makes you feel better you can pretend it”s Heaven. You also get to the portal just by thinking of it. I’ll be with you every step of the way. Any questions?”

“I guess I just need to know when we start.”

“Now.”

In the twinkling of an eye they were at the bed side of an old man who had a thumbs up beside his name. Vince was glad his very first was going to Heaven. He took the old gentleman's arm and thought of the portal and sent him on through. His next was a serial killer on the lethal injection table. Vince had no qualms leading his soul to the other portal. It was as death said, the portals were identical.


This went on for what seemed like years to Vince but was in reality only a couple of days. Death explained to Vince that time was kind of funny on this side of the veil. The day had come for Death to depart.

“Well Vince, it’s time for me to go. I’ve taught you all there is to know, it’s not that hard, it just gets tedious after a while.”

As he said that his grim reaper visage transformed into that of a middle aged man with thinning gray hair, and a bit of a paunch.

The next instant they were both standing in front of a portal.

Vince said, “So now that you’ve done your time, you get to go to Heaven.”

The man formerly know as Death, just shrugged his shoulders. That was never part of the contract, I have no idea what waits me on the other side, but I must go now.”

With that he stepped through, leaving Vince to wonder.




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